Cats are evil, evil creatures

Those of you who serve cats...already know this.

Note I said "serve cats."  it's not that you own a cat.  I own my dogs.
I serve the cats.
If I became too unsatisfactory, they'd leave.
Although it's really hard to find good help these days.

So last night I was very tired, I rolled into bed...and my hand flopped onto several somethings that were squishy, sausage-shaped, and wet.
It was then I'd remembered the kitten had been snooping in the bedroom and I shut the door on her, not realizing she was in there.

Yep.  She pooped on my side of the bed.  The little shit.

This is time (Heh) # 2 that she has pooped on the bed...I could see the first time being an accident.

No, she did it because she was mad at me for locking her in there.

I was really tired.  The poop was solid, and I thought: oh, good I don't have to change the bottom sheet.
I picked up the poo with toilet paper, carefully-it all came off, then wiped down the whole area with 91% rubbing alcohol.

And went to sleep.

About five A.M. I got woken up by my wife squawking "This is soaked in URINE!" when she came to bed.  And we changed the bottom sheet...

Apparently the cat was pissed off at my wife, but thinks I'm a shit.

I rescued her off the top of a freeway bridge...and this is the thanks I get.

I've also been fighting the old lady cat, who's determined to sleep on the clean laundry-this is a no-no, as I have allergies.
She has a really nice box, with a pillow in it, and lots of nice sleepy-places...but she's fixated this week on the clean laundry. Gah.

And of course there's always Rooftop, or as I call him...Squirt.  Mister "Hi, I LOVE you! Let me pee on your stuff!"

He's sufficiently tagged things in the cat room that he won't keep spraying in there...But if I don't shut the front door, he will run in and squirt stuff in under a minute.
I kid you not.

Edited to add: because of my allergies, all but two of our cats have a designated "cat room." It's officially the cat room and has most of my non-allergic wife's things.

It has a powder room-a toilet and sink.

I just went in there to poop.  This became a group event. They have better noses than we do, but have absolutely no problem mugging on me for affection when they can clearly smell what's coming out the other end of me, I'm sure.
Gods they're weird.