Thursday, October 25, 2012


Charlie was a friend of my brother's.  He was in and out of our house a lot at one point.
He was 14, with a big brain and a big mouth...and parents who doubtlessly beat him up...I think his mom may have brought boyfriends around who abused him sexually.

I once told him that if he never needed to talk about anything, I'd listen...I wanted to "adopt" him in an emotional sense.  He really didn't seem to have anybody, and I knew he was living in chaos.
I kept hearing about how he was getting wilder and wilder...getting into harder drugs.
Then I heard he'd been present at a murder, that this had somehow earned him a trip to prison.
I found out today that he'd hung himself. Just released from prison, 19, killed himself.
So random...
Some of us make it out alive and able to heal.  Some of us don't make it out of our soul-destroying families...
I'm just so very sad for that young man... I wish there was something I could have done to stop this.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

she's angry

I asked her to move her computer into her bedroom...mine will be going into my bedroom this week.  Was too tired to do it for a while.
​ I heard her on the phone talking about how I not only did something, I asked her to move her computer into her room...Yeah, she was shouting at her new phone...and I started shaking like I have done every time she shouts for over a year now.  She said she was gonna do it anyway...
Why should I be terrified and hiding in my own home? 
But I am, because she triggers me. She can't afford to move out yet...and I'm going to move my computer and coffeepot into my bedroom.
Seeing her fills me with sadness and hurt.