Monday, May 9, 2011

Ironic & Hysteric

When bad things happen-last time it was my last car wreck, I almost split into two.
One half of me is very calm and observing, the other is having the emotions.
I thought of them as Ironic and Hysteric, and said that Hysteric's in control of the body...Hysteric's also what I'd call my previous dominant state of being.
Today during an argument... Ironic took charge.

I disengaged coolly and listened to my wife stand there and fume. I thought: "Wow, she's not ready to talk until she stops blowing like that." And I waited until she started making some different noises and I had done some dishes...and then we were able to resolve it.

I've been calmer ever since.   I have somehow figured out to flip myself into a state of almost robotic calm.

I don't know how I managed that.
I need to be able to manage it on command.

The thing is, this new side of me doesn't care about anything other than solving the problem...Hysteric is all the emotions-just a giant storm of them, all over the place.

Ironic...feels cool if not icy, and utterly ruthless.Where have you been all my life, Ironic?

So my mental side and emotional side are split off, and getting worse?

I'm not saying I've got personalities, I'm saying that...oh, I dunno what I'm saying.

I do note I'm getting more split, not less...I thought the whole point of healing was to be less split.
But I'm prepared to take functioning.
I'm looking through Ironic's view, and utility is paramount.

Ok. bed.

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