Saturday, October 8, 2011
Friday was therapy.
We did some digging. I still feel guilty, disgusting, and filthy inside... and it really hinges on the fact that I went to my dad. That I don't think he ever forced me.
That is why I hate myself, why I feel so, so guilty, so weak, so worthless. My T says that my mom left me alone with him, I was already traumatized, and so I had a need for comfort, not a want.
My mom left me with him, so I had no way to meet what was a need than to get affection from my dad.
This still makes me feel oh-so-disgusted and ashamed of myself, that I needed.