Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I'm baa-aack... :)
Must to stop ignoring blog...
While I was away...I jacked up my intake of 5-htp to 300 milligrams a day. This on top of the 200 milligrams of zoloft and the 60 milligrams of Buspar.
Yes, yes, I worked up to this. Most people on this would be dead of serotonin syndrome by now. I'm finally...ok
Apparently, sinusitis causes depression in two ways: One, inflammatory proteins (Eosinophils) get into the cerebrospinal fluid and break down serotonin.
Two, the body actually produces less serotonin when you're fighting infection...this makes sense for survival reasons...unless you're infected for NINE GOING ON TEN YEARS!
But anyway, so the reason I think the SSRI's kept pooping out one after another is they simply did not have enough serotonin to work with.
Now, they do. Voila. I am almost normal.
Last night I had a flashback...so minor that I wondered...why did I repress this?
It was my dad knocking me to the floor, I think he backhanded me. He was righthanded, the hit was on the right side...so assumption would be he hit me with the dominant hand.
So I was knocked to the floor, and my teeth cut the inside of my mouth. I started to bleed, and my face swelled on that side.
The next thing I remember is him dabbling at my face with an icecube wrapped in a washcloth, looking...worried and angry. I was frightened.
Extrapolating now, as an adult:
-I ordinarily got to run away and hide after he hit me, he prevented me from doing this this time.
-It confused me, because he never comforted me after he hit mebefore
-He wasn't doing it to be kind.
-I now realize he was trying to hide it from mom.
-I wonder if I repressed more physical abuse...this comes as a surprise.