grass fires

On my way to work I put one out before it really took off.
It had just started. Everything is tinder dry here.
Inside though...I am beginning to feel...healed together more. I'm just very sad...my despair is going away.

I want to thank my friend Squirrel and his achy wrist for this...he held on and would not let go of me...and my beloved E for putting up with me...

I find myself in the odd position of waiting for things to get worse and being surprised when they get better instead.

I'm not going to hold my breath, but...maybe, just maybe, I'll be fixed for a while.

I still cry everyday...when I think about how much I loved my dad, and how little he cared about a love so incredible, and boundless, and open...I worshiped him.
And he raped me, he used me. He took something immeasurably precious and smashed it forever...
I will never love so much again, not without fear mixed with it a bit.

So now I get to clean up all the stuff that went to hell while I was going insane with grief and pain over this stuff...tidy and prepare for the next onslaught...that's the way my life goes...I know the drill by now, there's always more feces inbound to the fan.